Via a diary entry on Kos, I came across an article in the Denver Post that takes a look at what Jenna Bush might get from Social Security. This is great, but I don't think it really speaks to her in a way she's likely to understand. So Jenna, if you're listening, I'd like to help clear things up for you.
The article starts with this premise:
You were born in 1981. You have a college degree from the University of Texas. We'll assume you'll find fulfillment in the classroom, and that your salary as a teacher leaves you in the middle of all U.S. workers when it comes to lifelong earnings.
Ok, now we both know that's crazy. You didn't go to the University of Texas because you wanted a career in education. Everyone knows that education degrees are for chicks who don't really want to go to college, but for one reason or another feel like they have to. You're just in this teaching gig until either you can either bag some rich and/or ambitious young stud, or your parents die and leave you their money. Your dad's also trying to get rid of that pesky inheritance tax, so there's no reason why this strategy won't work for you, right?
So if you can live off the fat of others, why should you care about Social Security? Well, because it can provide you with drinking money! (Yes, I see your "hook 'em horns." Put down your hands now. You look like a WASPy metal-head.)
Now, according to the article's calculations, if the current Social Security plan were adjusted slightly you would receive $20,500 the first year of your retirement at 65. If we assume an average drink price of $5 (hey, sometimes you want the good stuff, and other times you're more goal-oriented, right?), then that gives you 4,100 drinks that year. Not bad, eh? Yes, I know numbers are hard. Here's a visual representation of that year's bounty. In this picture, each shot glass represents 100 drinks:
I know what you're thinking-- "Those are really big drinks." Focus, Jenna.
Unfortunately, that's the best case scenario. Let's say that the Social Security system doesn't get adjusted at all between now and your retirement. In that case, you would only get $19,700, which translates to 3,940 drinks. That's 160 less drinks, so not too bad:
Now, the big question is what happens under your dad's plan? Well it's complicated, but the short version is that if everything goes right, the best case would be that in your first year of retirement you would only get $14,300. That's only good for 2,860 drinks, over 1,000 drinks fewer than if your dad took the time he's spending trying to push this Social Security plan through and just played golf.
So I think the question you need to ask your dad is, "Why don't you want me to have any fun?"
Posted by Jason at February 6, 2005 02:18 PM
This is pretty funny, but not so cool since it drags Dubya's daughter into the fray. Who else is known for attacking presidential daughters? Oh yeah, Rush Limbaugh likes to call Chelsea the "White House dog" and when Clinton was president Limbaugh and other right wing shitbags never got tired of doing hit pieces on Hillary and Chelsea.
We're better than this. If Jenna had gotten to choose her father, it's a safe bet that Dubya wouldn't have been her first choice.
Funny thing is, this joke you have would work just as well if you substituted Dubya for his daughter. You could also do one with lines of coke for Dubya.
I had considered that before posting this, but decided that Jenna was fair game because 1) she's an adult now (at least as measured by the calendar*), unlike Chelsea when she was attacked (Mike Myers also took a shot at her and caught flak for it), and 2) Jenna and her sister officially joined the presidential campaign, even giving a speech at the Republican convention.
As for whether Jenna would have chosen Dubya for her father, I would tend to disagree. By all accounts, she is truly her father's daughter by the way she behaves...
* I'm sorry, I can't help myself sometimes.
Posted by: Jason at February 20, 2005 10:00 AM